Ok....I took a break from using my pinterest for about 2 weeks! I'll be honest, my pinterest wouldn't work for 2 weeks. It was a forced 'break' in the relationship, one which proved to be worthwhile! DO NOT EVER GET ME WRONG.....I LOVE PINTEREST but I felt a lot happier being away from it. WTHECK? I usually use it for party ideas, recipes, you know, the normal stuffs. However, I'm guilty of having 2 boards that are my 'I wish/want' and 'dream house'. As I got back on pinterest, I started to look at things differently again. What do I mean? All of a sudden, I wanted this or I wanted that. I'm looking forward to my 'one day house' and all that that includes! My house all of the sudden didn't seem as 'wow' as it was when we bought it and I felt like I appreciated it less b/c I was focused on the 'one day' and what somebody else has.
More importantly, what was that telling God? Thanks for my blessings but I'd rather have this...Really? I grew up in a single wide mobile home, (looked like this but all brown and no American flag)
then moved to a 2 bedroom apt, then a 3 until finally moving into a 3 bedroom, 2 bath, 1,500 sq ft. home...modest beginnings. Before Zach and I were married, we bought a 4 bedroom, 2 bath room, almost 2200 sq ft, amazing home in a desired neighborhood. Over the years, I have loved this house and decorating it, painting, etc. I have noticed, the more I'm on pinterest, the more I want to keep changing my house. I'm all about pinning things that will help me better organize my home and things along those lines but when I'm pinning things like this:
DUH!! of course I'm going to be unhappy with my much smaller, needs new paint cabinets, messy kitchen! Who are we kidding....there is NO WAY this kitchen is ever used, look at it, PERFECT! and...who gets white chairs where food is being handled? Get real! :/ It was the most amazing time away from pinterest...my house was back to being perfect for me, everything about it, even the window sills my dog Kota chewed the corners off of (all of them). The Lord blessed me with an amazing husband, 2 perfect and happy kids, 2 sweet dogs, a roof over my head, a car that is reliable and safe, a supportive family and friends that are always there....what do I ever have to be less than appreciative of? Stop and think/look at how perfect your life actually is....I love looking at things from a higher more Godly (the best I can) perspective.
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. -James 1:17
The Lord has given me all of these things and has led my life to this point, who am I to say, I'd rather have this or that? To me, my life is perfect, maybe not to other people but I'm refusing to be unhappy or always wanting to change something b/c of something I saw on a website/etc.
Isn't the 10th commandment all about this?
You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor’s.
Ok...maybe not about an ox or donkey...but you get the point? God wants us to be happy with the things we have and appreciate them all, we can't do that if we are constantly comparing and wanting. I'm guilty as can be and that's why it was so nice to free myself from that sin (the best I can). It was seriously like a weight was lifted off and I saw how amazing everything was again, just as it was before I discovered pinterest. I'm counting my blessings every day and even though I may not have what others have, I have exactly what I need, exactly what God wants me to have.
Living in an area that was recently ranked in the top 10 of richest places in the nation, it is so very easy to get caught up in possessions. How big your house is, what you drive, what you wear, etc....it's sooo easy to get caught up. I occasionally picture myself in the BMW or Benz and then realize, those people could be completely miserable, a car can't bring happiness. DUH, I know, but it's so easy to forget that when focused on the wrong things, the worldly things. Truly, in the end, it's the people and the relationships, it's not about the tangible and keeping up with the Joneses (which stinks b/c my maiden name is Jones).
Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.- Psalm 37:4
I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live- Ecclesiastes 3:12
As we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. -2 Corinthians 4:18
Moral of the story: I've been on a mission to declutter my life and home so I'm spending less time on things that don't actually matter in the long run and instead, focusing on where my heart is. I'm choosing to be happy EVERYDAY with EVERYTHING and body I have in my life. God blessed me with it and I am forever grateful b/c I know I don't deserve it but am appreciative of it all! Of all the sin I commit, this is one easy one that I'm saying 'no' to. I want to be the example of the happiness that God brings in life not the jealous, grump that is without the light. We are happy, healthy and all together....what more could I ask for?
Thank you Lord for blessing me and I pray that you will help others see over the tangible world and know you are the bigger picture and you have blessed us all, if with nothing else, your love!
I know it has been awhile since I have posted last....aren't you all checking this EVERYDAY in anxiety of a new post?! Thought so! I don't want to post just anything. I like them to be thought out or God motivated/pushed! Lately, I have been looking back on things I have done through my life, situations I have dealt with and how much I have changed since then. Everyday is amazing now that I have rekindled my relationship with the Lord. Things are just brighter, happier, clearer, higher up. I'll explain.
One of the biggest struggles I have had with moving forward in my life is letting go of the past. Past things I have done, decisions I have made, situations that have impacted my life and how I dealt with them. I really NEED to post this EVERYWHERE!
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17
I was re-baptized my freshman year of college and after that I have tried to walk a straight path....mostly I failed but the guilt I felt let me know that my heart was in another place, the right place. I grew up in a church so I always had that 'foundation' and over the years I was in and out of a relationship with God, when it was convenient, I was in. When it wasn't, I was out. Talk about commitment issues! My darkest time in my life was the end of my freshman year of high school to the start of my junior year of high school. That is the time period I struggle with the most! A lot happened in that time frame, situations were thrown at me and I always picked the wrong reaction and turned to the wrong things to get me through.
I'll keep this as short and detailed but in general as possible. I'll run through the list (but leaving out 2 'events' as I'm able to talk about them just yet. My parents divorced, I was involved in a major car accident that I was care flighted from (and I don't remember anything except what I was told), broken family relationships, run in with the cops (twice), drinking (among other things), an overdose in the hospital, and all this with nobody to turn to. Truly, I was LOST, and only now do I see how lost I actually was and how badly I veered off the road. I wish I could go back to 16 yr old me and just sit down with her, hug her and just listen. That's all I needed, really....and instead of seeking what I needed I turned to so many wrong things to drown it all out. It's so hard to handle adult situations when you are just 16. Having taught 16 yr olds, it gives me a better understanding of how young that actually is and how much there is to still learn about life.
The 2 events that I just can't write about happened first and those were the worst for me. I had no idea how to handle them, I honestly, couldn't even process them. One of them, my family has NO idea about and I'm not ready to share, the other, most people that know me, have no idea about but my family knows. So my little detectives....did I 'hide' that well enough? Both of those would impact how I dealt with relationships in life, they completely changed how I viewed them and how I was in the relationships. I felt I had nobody to turn to and nobody to talk to about them so...I did, what I thought, was the next best thing, drown it out and don't even bother dealing with it! How else do you do that when you are 16? Well....I was drinking everclear and gatorade before school, popping things throughout the school day at school, and then doing it all over again. This literally makes me sick to my stomach but at the time, I didn't know better. I had completely LOST my relationship with the Lord but I so thankful and grateful that HE didn't lose me or quit watching over me. I needed Him the most. I couldn't stand to be sober and took whatever was offered to me when really all I wanted was someone to reach out, someone to care. (I'm not saying my parents didn't but they had no idea what was going on with me, I was really good at hiding things).
About mid year, I was in a major accident, I was the passenger of a vehicle that was t-boned on 2499 and college (when it was a 2 lane road that was barely lit). The other car the driver's side of the car I was in. The driver of the car I was in was cut out of the car, care flighted to Parkland with a ruptured spleen, shattered hips, broken leg, head trauma....I think that's it. I just know that she had issues for quite awhile after. I remember the lights flooding in the car and then 'waking up' b/c it hurt to breathe (I assume from the seat belt), I spit out half a tooth, unbuckled, reached for the door handle and that's all I remember. I was told I walked across the street (at night) and was found laying in a ditch yelling out my friend's name. Care flight came and took me to Harris Methodist in Fort Worth. I was released that night but literally remember nothing! Nothing for the whole next week-ish...I think (I still don't know). The cops called my parents and told them I was being care flighted with head trauma. They couldn't tell my parents anything else...can you even imagine the panic? That was really hard to get over and I'm still very remorseful of that. But that added into the things I couldn't deal with. A couple months after that, I still doing the 'same ol same ol' but this time, I ended up in the hospital overdosing on some pills. It wasn't on purpose. I just didn't want to be sober. I wanted my problems GONE, and quickly. When my friend was driving me to hospital, I remember trying to use her phone to call my mom, I was holding the phone right up to my face and couldn't even see the buttons to dial, all I could see was flashing white lights. I did get ahold of my mom and started telling her 'good bye' I was almost certain I was about to die. When we got to the hospital, I was on the verge of a heart attack and had to drink the nastiest cup or 2 of liquid charcoal. Yes, the black coals you put on the grill, I was drinking the crushed up version of that with some ice. NASTY! I don't remember the recovery or much about the hospital. It was truly one of the scariest things. God knows me, He knows how stubborn I am and when I need to see something, He knows how to get me. I need to be basically, slapped in the face! Facing death by overdose....yep, slap in the face! I knew I was going to end up DEAD if I didn't stop this. I didn't want to be doing it in the first place but after awhile, I didn't know how to NOT do it. It was such an easy out, the easiest out I could find at 16.
I made a life change, for which, I am forever grateful. I got out of that situation and had a chance for a clean start (no, I was not intending to be punny there). I KNEW God was with me watching over me. He was just waiting for me to turn to Him. I wish I would have done it sooner and not gone through all of that. It was terrible but I'm not that person and haven't been for 13 years.
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endur it.
1 Corinthians 10:13
I KNOW God had a plan for getting me back on His path for me. It was mid Junior year that I met my high school boyfriend and his amazing family ('M' from the previous blog post). Yes, I'm still very close with his mom and sister, 13 years later! Never would I have thought it would have turned out like this but it was His plan. Anywho, his family is very much God oriented and I NEEDED that! I was 'cleaned up' but I needed direction now. I never had anybody hold me to certain standards until him (the ex), I really needed and wanted someone to expect something of me, to push me to be a better me, to get in my face and say...what the heck are you doing?! Call me out, I needed it! The relationship didn't pan out, as our personalities are like oil and water. We had good times together but were COMPLETE opposites on so many vital levels. I am however, grateful for all the things I just listed above. I can't walk away from a 3ish yr relationship and not try to find where God was working. His mom and sister have been helping to guide me on my walk with Christ and I will be forever in debt to them for their patience and understanding. This family was EXACTLY what and who I needed in my life. They helped to lead me out of the 'dark'.
Now it is amazing to look back and because I am found, I can see how horrible things were, how I did all the wrong things, reacted in the worst ways possible, and really just wanted to hear 'I love you'...or anything that I could have interpreted as caring. I'm not saying the friends I had, didn't care, but it was nice to break away and be free, a new start with a new crowd. It is so easy for me to look above all the situations now, know that God has a plan for me, I know where to turn when I'm feeling lost and need help or answers. It truly is the most freeing and carefree life when God is in control. I can't imagine being that person, I don't even feel like it was me.
Some may read this and judge me, I'm good with that, I just hope that those that might be going through this, especially some of mu former kiddos, will know that there is always somebody to help them and opening up is the hardest part. God will be there, seek him and you will find him (I know this first hand). I know God has forgiven my sins, I have cried many times to Him. He is always there and will ALWAYS be there! As my relationship with God has grown, I have this indescribable new view on life, and it is truly the most amazing and comforting feeling to take with me throughout the day. Well...so much for a short post! :(
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness 1 John 1:9
